Monday, September 25, 2017

The Opposite of a Whirlwind: Release Week Ramblings

This coming Friday, September 29, 2017, my novel Collapsible finally releases. 

To say that the whole experience has been a whirlwind would be the opposite of how it's felt so far.

Things So Far

I wrote the first draft in 2014, started sending queries in 2015, signed a three-book contract and completed the trilogy during 2016, wrote and rewrote the story about eighty gazillion times throughout, and now here we are, finally on the cusp publication in the fall of 2017.

So the word whirlwind doesn't quite work. I spent some time trying to come up with a good metaphor to express my publication experiences, but so far I've had trouble hitting on one that really fits the bill emotionally. 

Here are a few options:
  • being slowly compressed in a trash compactor with 1,000 helium balloons 
  • rolling drowsily down a hill to escape a volcanic eruption of maple syrup
  • trapped in refrigerated storage unit while being force-fed ice cream cake by leaders of the Spanish Inquisition
  • enduring a long, listless underwater bus crash set to polka music

This isn't my first publishing rodeo (I have a handful of plays and sacred scripts on the market); but somehow releasing a book feels different.

I think about my books all the time but have a hard time talking about them. (Talking about unpublished work feels impossible for a lot of reasons, but that topic requires its own post.)

I'm fiercely excited and ferociously nervous. 

Perhaps the best metaphor for my release week experience is this: I'm tap dancing in the corner on roller skates with a paper bag in each hand in case I hyperventilate or throw up. (Or both.) know.

Business as usual.

Some Helpful Information

Of all the questions people have asked me about my books, the most common is this: "Will they be on Amazon?" 

The answer is yes. As a matter of fact, Friday's release is up for pre-order:

Other Releases

In true over-the-top fashion, I have five books coming out in the next six months. The next two stand alone, and the following two will complete the Collapsible trilogy.

The Proper Care and Feeding of Singles: How Pastors, Marrieds, and Church Leaders Effectively Support Solo Members (November 7, 2017)

Murder on Birchardville Hill (December, 2017)

Flexible: A Novel of Mystery, Drama, Rehabilitation, Spiders, and the Occasional Head Wound (January, 2018)

Unbreakable: A Novel of Relationships, Getaways, Teep Kicks, Bacon, Nuptials, and the Occasional Stabbing (March, 2018)

And yes, they will also be on Amazon. Everything's on Amazon. So keep your beady little eyes peeled, and I'll see you over there.

I'll be the one tap dancing in the corner. 

Monday, September 18, 2017

Ruth's Rules for Hurricanes

  1. Charge all devices! You might blow away in the storm, but at least you'll have enough battery to call home from Oz.
  2. Give the house a manic cleaning. If you're going to be trapped inside for 36 hours, you might as well not be stuck in a sty. 
  3. Take final shower AFTER cleaning but BEFORE filling the tub with emergency water.
  4. Drill at least one peep hole in your hurricane shutters. How else will you witness your neighbor's palm tree uprooting itself and flying through the air like a javelin?
  5. Log into Overdrive and download every library book. (Your actual books might blow away if the roof comes off). 
  6. Realize you have no safe place to stash your car. Encase it in cling wrap and submerge in the canal behind your house.
  7. Panic-buy supplies because you never got around to stocking your hurricane kit at the beginning of the season. (Don't forget the dried fruit! You'll thank yourself later when everyone else has gone without roughage for a while.)
  8. Realize you never bought water and that it's too late because every store in the Eastern seaboard is sold out. Panic for a full ten seconds; then remember that your kitchen still works. (And still exists.) Fill Tupperware containers and Ziplock bags and mixing bowls and measuring cups from the tap and store them in the fridge like the rational problem-solver that you are. 
  9. Monitor rising water levels, trying not to dwell on the fact that the canal behind your house is full of alligators and that you could soon be facing a nightmare Captain Hook situation. Toss alarm clocks into the canal for gator-tracking purposes. (Just try not to hit your car.)
  10. Respond to panicked texts from out-of-town relatives right away. Assert that no matter what the over-the-top national weather services are reporting, Florida is not going to be wiped off the map. Though we might wake up when it's over and discover a sailboat in the lobby of city hall, the state of the Union will likely be preserved. 
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Photo Credit:
By Daniel Di Palma (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Monday, September 4, 2017

If I Wrote the Poems, Part 1 - "The Riddle of Strider" by Ruth R.R. Tolkien

The Riddle of Strider 
by Ruth R.R. Tolkien

All that is cold is not bitter
Not all the condors are lost 
The old and confused often dither 
Teeth roots are not touched by the floss

The silence at last shall be broken
A tiny white rabbit shall sing 
Set fire to the bed you awoke in 
The soundless Big Ben shall then ring

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Click Here to read the original poem,
which is supposedly "objectively better" or whatever,
and tune in next week for Part 2 in the series.

I have great plans.

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Photo Credit:

By Eagle_and_child_Oxford.JPG: Gunnar Bach Pedersenderivative work: Rondador (talk) - Eagle_and_child_Oxford.JPG, Public Domain, Link