If classic literature has taught us anything, it's that we should ask our prospective spouses some very specific questions. Because you just never know about people.
Might I suggest you start with the following:
- Have you ever dressed as a gypsy to trick a confession out of your crush?
- Have you ever donned a mask and spent a significant amount of time living under the Paris opera house?
- Have you ever, in case of misdirected rage, used a handkerchief to hang your girlfriend's dog?
- Have you ever received ₤3,000 in exchange for the curacy at Kympton (and then lied about it)?
- Have you ever, under the influence of secret guilt, carved the first letter of the alphabet into your chest?
- Did you end your last relationship by taking your crush on an unfortunate sled ride?
- To what extent are you committed to finishing The Key to All Mythologies?
- To what extent do you blame your problems on Grace Poole?
- If interrogated by agents of the Thought Police, would you betray me to Big Brother?
- Where do you stand on the subject of attic wives?
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Bad Boyfriend Roll Call:
Erik (the Phantom of the Opera)
John William Waterhouse [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons