"Don't Be A Hotler!": Podling 1 Speaks Out

Note: I currently serve as nanny and educational assistant for five energetic podlings, ages six through sixteen. 

Today, Podling 1 speaks out.

Guest Post by Podling 1
Age 16

Most of you know that [Ruth] is quite eccentric. However, you may not realize that her eccentricity leaks into her everyday conversations, usually while she is teaching. Whether she is reprimanding one of us podlings or teaching us about the subjunctive mood, words will randomly burst out of her mouth that will result in peals of laughter and/or strange looks from said podlings.

Two weeks ago, I decided to document some of this randomness for your enjoyment.

These statements sound completely ridiculous out of context; but then again, they didn't make sense with context either!

"Don't you remember what happened to Shakespeare in the bathroom???" 
"One time while I was writing, I absentmindedly ate a whole pack of blueberries, and then the next day I had what I called...The Blueberries."
"NNNYYYUUUUUURRRRR!!!!" (Dying Whale Noise or Wookiee imitation: you decide.)  
"You know who had a nose like a toucan?"  
"Whoooo! These crumbs are JUST PEPPER!!!" 
"Everyone get back to the worky-worky .....whaaaah?" 
"Stop dancing like a sand person and do your work!" 
"But enough about time travel. Let's get back to your lesson." 
"Sugar cane. SUGAR cane. CANE." 
"This looks like a crazy person did it."  
"Are you petting me like a cat?"  
"If you give me a paper cut in my eyeball...." 
"Point your teeth at somebody else!" 
"This is very close to vampirism, this is too much!" 
*finishes deep conversation* "...and I have food on my pants. I did not mean to say that out loud." 
"Those are going to help you with all the moods!"  
"You can't buy a horse at JCPenney!" 
May these past remarks shed a new light on [Ruth's] crazy personality!

* * * *

*Note: "Don't be a Hotler" refers to "Adolph Hotler II," a fictional character co-created one day with Podling 2 as we discussed alternate WWII histories. Hotler's worse than Hitler. Probably. So "being a Hotler" is quite an insult. 

While I can't pretend to remember the context for all the above phrases, I am certain that Podling 1's powers of observation will take her far. May she always use them for good, not evil.

* * * *
Image Credit:


  1. Podling 1, THANK YOU for preserving the greatness of Ruth for all to see.


  2. And today learned a new word ... podling!

    1. They're so unique that they need their own word! <3


Post a Comment

Popular Posts