Tuesday, December 27, 2016

On Being Single at Christmas


This year someone asked me if it's hard to be single over the holidays. My answer: "No harder than usual."

As a thirty-eight-year-old never-married, I've experienced my share of single Christmases; and I've found that as with most of life, the situation is sort of a mixed bag.

On Being Single at Christmas

Some Cons and Pros

Con: Sometimes I'm forgotten when it comes to holiday events and parties. Couples and families tend to gravitate toward other couples and families. It's not a complaint. Just a fact. Adult singles -- especially older adult singles -- tend to slip through the cracks.
Pro: Sometimes I'm forgotten when it comes to holiday events and parties. More evenings in to read by twinkle light and focus on Advent? Yes, please.

Con: I don't have a "family update" to mail to friends and family. I suppose I could still do this by myself: just a pic of me accompanied by a list of my recent achievements. But that sounds so awkward and self-serving - not to mention a bit like Facebook. Oh, wait...
Pro: I don't have to write a "family update." You will never catch me complaining about fewer deadlines.

Con: There aren't a lot of presents under the tree. Actually, my "tree" is really just a decorative stack of books swathed in garland and twinkle lights. It doesn't really have an "underneath." But that's a separate issue.
Pro: I don't have to wrap a lot of presents. Wrapping presents takes me forever, and they still turn out looking as if drunk toddlers wrapped them.

Con: There's no one waking me up early to share the wonder of Christmas morning. For me, Christmas morning starts the way every other morning starts. I wake up alone to a dark room, the only sound that of the air conditioner. (Yes, air conditioner. It was 84 here on Christmas day.)
Pro: There's no one waking me up early on Christmas morning! Hooray!

Con: The house is empty. I sip my Christmas Coffee in silence. Bare feet on the tile floor, my only companion the air conditioner ticking gently in the corner.
Pro: The house is empty. I sip my Christmas Coffee in silence. You sing of "Silent Night"? I glory in "Silent Morn"! 

Con: I have to cook the Christmas Bacon myself. Admittedly, this is much easier since I learned to bake it in the oven rather than tediously frying it in a pan and splashing bacon grease across the entire kitchen -- which, since I live in a studio apartment, meant splashing it across my entire home.
Pro: I get to eat all the Christmas Bacon myself! A childhood dream come true.

Con: It's easy to feel forgotten if no one texts or calls me on Christmas. I understand that everyone's busy with their own children and families and that most of the busyness involves tedium (mixing waffles, arbitrating between bickering siblings, and digging out AAA batteries). Reality is probably quite different from what my imagination tells me you're doing: snuggling together in companionable joy under the tree and sipping hot cocoa against a backdrop of red and green bokeh while Christmas music plays softly in the background. Meanwhile, I stand barefoot in my kitchen drinking coffee in the dark with only my air conditioner for company.
Pro: It's easy to take time to let others know they're not forgotten on Christmas. For me, this is what makes singleness work -- on Christmas Day and every other day. As counterintuitive as it might sound, when I turn the lens outward, singleness stops feeling like singleness. It becomes less a state of being and more an avenue through which I can bless others.

Of course, I was only alone for part of Christmas day. My family, friends, and church family blessed me beyond measure with a wonderful, heartfelt celebration complete with food, gifts, games, laughter, and memories. 

I'm very thankful for them and for this season - a season that commemorates the time that our Savior came to earth and lived as a single - not to be ministered to, but to give his life in ministry for others.

* * * * *

Note: This post is a day late because I didn't realize yesterday was Monday. Like most Americans, I experience the week between Christmas and New Year's as an amorphous blob of time with no rhyme or reason.

But fear not! I fully expect to sort things out by next Monday and hit you on 1/2/17 with my 2016 reading retrospective. 

Get excited!

9 comments:

  1. This is brilliant. Thank you for putting things in perspective with a positive spin!

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    1. Thanks, Megan. I do enjoy singleness generally - which is good, given that I currently have no choice! Lol

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  2. I enjoyed reading this. I'm not sure how I'd be single--I didn't even respond well to the empty nest when the last kid left--but I hope I'd learn to find the joys in it. Thank you for SHARing those joys!

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    1. There are joys and pressures to most seasons of life. I continually ask for grace to handle the latter!

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  3. I'm jealous, I want all the bacon. ;)

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    1. Liiiiiiiiiiiiiife choicesssssss! LOL

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  4. Cute post....great attitude.
    Good luck and God's blessings
    PamT

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