Monday, July 11, 2016

15 Ways to Annoy Your English Friends

  • Pronounce literally any word the American way
  • Use the terms English and British interchangeably
  • Claim you don't watch Wimbledon because you "don't care for golf"
  • Confuse football with American football 
  • Get lost in a traffic circle 
  • Call it a traffic circle
  • Mimic the accent and get it wrong
  • Mimic the accent and get it right
  • Give measurements in Imperial
  • Prove yourself incapable of converting Imperial into Metric in your head on command
  • Fail to recognize "proper" butter, bacon, sausages, traffic patterns, etc.
  • "Misspell" cheque 
  • Express concern over how many flags England has
  • Fail to understand which flag would be the best choice for the header of this list
  • Write this list 
* * *
Thank you, Pam, for being my friend. I'm sure you're already correcting this list in your head. 
Also, h/t to Wikimedia for the flag: 
Public Domain, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=23473560

2 comments:

  1. On the other hand the best repost to the above we Brits can respond with is, "I live in a house older than your Country"...Usually works!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 15 ways to annoy one's american friends:

    Pronounce literally any word the American way - Exhale loudly.

    Use the terms English and British interchangeably - Correct them, and add a detailed explanation as to why they may not be used interchangeably.

    Claim you don't watch Wimbledon because you "don't care for golf" - Exhale loudly, and add a detailed explanation on the origin of both golf and tennis, and check that they actually understand (ask the question "You do understand what I'm saying, don't you?)

    Confuse football with American football - Exhale loudly, and ask them to justify why they call it football, when only one person, who spends most of his time sitting down, is allowed to actually use his foot. Then describe how football came into being, and make frequent reference to The Sheffield Club.

    Get lost in a traffic circle - Remind them that it is a roundabout, not a traffic circle, and go into a lengthy description as to how it came to be called a roundabout.

    Call it a traffic circle - Drat; didn't see that one coming.

    Mimic the accent and get it wrong - Ask them which accent they believe they are mimicking.

    Mimic the accent and get it right - Ask them to repeat what they just said but, this time in a Geordie accent.

    Give measurements in Imperial - Remind them why it is called "Imperial" and why, when they decided not to belong to the empire, they hung on to our measures. Then go into a lengthy explanation as to how Henry II introduced the standard measures still used in America.

    Prove yourself incapable of converting Imperial into Metric in your head on command - E
    Exhale loudly.

    Fail to recognize "proper" butter, bacon, sausages, traffic patterns, etc. - Exhale loudly, and wonder to oneself, sotto voce, how we ever came to lose this colony.

    "Misspell" cheque - Exhale loudly.

    Express concern over how many flags England has - Exhale loudly, and repeat the previous sotto voce comment.

    Fail to understand which flag would be the best choice for the header of this list - Comment that, as long as it is an English flag, it really doesn't matter. Then enter into long monologue on the importance of choosing the correct flag.

    Write this list - Write the list.

    And #16: spell American with a lower case a.

    (And remind whoever is attempting to annoy one, that a gentleman is never annoyed but may, occasionally, become a little irritated.)

    Heh heh!

    ReplyDelete