Monday, January 11, 2016

The Force Awakens My Heart: Star Wars as a Korean Drama


Star Wars as a Korean Drama

Can a plucky young reporter and a hard-hearted chaebol heir find love in outer space?

Episode One: While on a team-building work outing for Alliance Media, Rey and Finn meet on the planet Jakku. Finn is an upbeat reporter, and Rey is a plucky orphan with a heart of gold. Broody chaebol heir Ren Kylo is voted in as Deputy Director of First Order Group.

Episode Two: Back at Alliance Media headquarters on D'Qar, hoobae reporters Finn and Rey team up to investigate allegations of insider trading at First Order Group. Meanwhile, at Starkiller Towers, Ren Kylo harbors a dark secret.

Episode Three: Rey and Finn's nosy reporting enrages the higher-ups of First Order Group. Chairman Snoke orders Ren Kylo to deal with these two young rebel upstarts or risk demotion.

Episode Four: Rey and Finn travel to Takodana to track down a source who can prove First Order's insider trading. Ren Kylo orders his spoiled young cousin Hux to go undercover as a reporter at Alliance Media.

Episode Five: Rey and Finn's office is ransacked and robbed. Hux turns over the stolen files to Ren Kylo. Dameron Poe, recently released from army duty, returns to D'Qar as editor of Alliance Media and becomes Rey and Finn's direct superior.

Episode Six: Dameron Poe and Rey butt heads over journalistic theory. Hux plants listening devices in Alliance Media offices. Chairman Snoke pressures Ren Kylo to silence the rabble rousers at Alliance Media.

Episode Seven: Ren Kylo begins staying late at work every night, listening to hour after hour of Finn and Rey bickering in their office. He pretends to hate it, but we see him almost smiling from time to time. Hux is hit by a landspeeder and falls into a coma.

Episode Seven: Hux lies in a coma. Ren is now holed up in his luxury quarters in Starkiller Towers, trying (and failing) to Force-cook himself dinner, listening to Finn and Rey 24/7, and flipping out when his minions are late in delivering updated recordings. Chairman Snoke has a stroke. 

Episode Eight: In the med bay, Ren Kylo overhears the Chairman's wife telling a First Order executive that Ren is adopted, and because of that, she will never allow him to inherit First Order Group. Ren ugly cries. Arriving at the med bay to visit Hux, Rey and Finn see Ren weeping.

Episode Nine: Seeing Ren sobbing in the hall (smearing his guyliner everywhere), Rey offers him a tissue and tells him to have strength. We see him smile for the first time. Dameron Poe, arriving just at that moment, berates Rey for comforting the enemy. Hux awakens with amnesia.

Episode Ten: Finn finds the bugs in the office and asks a friend in the local rebel base to help him trace their origin. Ren Kylo, now deprived of his daily Finn/Rey listening sessions, goes into withdrawal, flipping tables and screaming. Hux falls in love with a pretty nurse.

Episode Eleven: Recovered from his stroke, Chairman Snoke returns to the Starkiller Towers. Finn and Rey sneak into First Order Group's offices to find hard evidence of insider trading. They are foiled by security droids, and turn up nothing. Ren Kylo hires freelance P.I. Han Solo to search for his birth parents.

Episode Twelve: Depressed over the slow state of their investigation, Finn and Rey drink soju at a galactic pojangmacha. Heading home from another long day of brooding and talking to himself about his feelings, Ren Kylo sees them passed out at the table. He dumps Finn into a landspeeder taxi and piggybacks Rey home, only to find Dameron Poe waiting at Rey's doorstep.

Episode Thirteen: Poe and Ren exchange passive-aggressive insults while pulling Rey back and forth between them by her arms. Rey tells them she's not the woman they're looking for, leaves the two men bickering on her doorstep, and heads inside to sleep. Finn's friend at the rebel base traces the bugs back to New Order Group. Still suffering from amnesia, Hux returns to work at Alliance Media.

Episode Fourteen: Ren "kidnaps" Rey and whisks her away for a romantic picnic in the rooftop gardens of Starkiller Towers. Finn and Hux check security tapes at Alliance Media to see who planted the bugs. When they see that it is Hux, Hux's memory returns. Hux ugly cries and breaks up with his nurse girlfriend, since he obviously doesn't deserve her. Hux crashes the rooftop picnic and confronts Ren regarding his schemes to take down Alliance Media.

Episode Fifteen: Hux blames Ren for making him go undercover and lie about who he really is. Ren blames Chairman Snoke for adopting him and brainwashing him into a power-hungry chaebol monster. Rey Force-cooks them all some ramyun, which calms everybody down. Ren kneels before Chairman Snoke and quits New Order Group, essentially disinheriting himself. Ren asks Rey if they should date.

Episode Sixteen: Ren and Rey go on exactly one happy date, during which time they almost hold hands. Returning home at the end of the date, they find P.I. Han Solo waiting for them. He delivers the news that Ren and Rey once lived in the same orphanage, and that before they were adopted, they shared the same family name: Han.

Episode Seventeen: Han Ren and Han Rey travel to their former orphanage. At the orphanage, they are shown paperwork that lists them as siblings, although they were both adopted too young to remember their time in the orphanage, much less each other. Ren ugly cries and runs away, leaving Rey to find her own way back because it's just "too hard" to face her now that they're siblings. Rey calls Finn.

Episode Eighteen: Finn sends Poe to pick up Rey. Poe encourages Rey to date him publicly in order to help Ren get over her and move on. Hux spies on his nurse ex-girlfriend, looking sad and conflicted. Everyone is unhappy and life is terrible.

Episode Nineteen: Han Solo and Finn work together to help Ren reinvent himself as a rookie reporter at Alliance Media. Ren gazes longingly at Rey whenever she's not looking. Hux and the nurse reunite. Rey secretly researches her past and uncovers proof that she and Ren are not related. Poe ugly cries. 

Episode Twenty: Rey discovers that Han Solo is Han Ren's real father. Poe is offered a job in America, and Finn is promoted to editor of Alliance Media. Rey and Ren walk among the sand dunes of Jakko during a lush sunset, holding hands and laughing. In a flashback, we see Ren and Rey napping side-by-side in the kindergarten room of the orphanage, holding hands in their sleep. In the present, Rey whispers in Ren's ear and gives him a chaste peck on the cheek.

THE END

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Related: Truths I've Learned from Korean Dramas

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