Monday, January 25, 2016

Coping with Cold-Weather Mornings: The Floridian's Step-by-Step Guide


Living in the Sunshine State is a wonderful thing. At least, until the weather betrays you. The bad news is that you are in no way prepared for this disaster--either physically or psychologically. The good news is that by following this step-by-step guide, you need never suffer on cold mornings again. 

At least, not much.

Coping with Cold-Weather Mornings: The Floridian's Step-by-Step Guide: 

Step One: Before rolling out of bed in the morning, burrito-wrap yourself in your duvet.

Step Two: Literally roll out of bed.

Step Three: Inchworm your way to the kitchen; switch on the coffee pot with your nose so as not to remove your arms from their warm cocoon; prop yourself against the counter to bask in the fragrant steam wafting from the coffee maker.


Step Four: Enter the shower fully dressed, only removing your pj's once the hot water has warmed your frigid body. Wriggling out of wet pajamas may be difficult, but it beats dying. 


Step Five: Only exit the shower once the bathroom is completely filled with a warm fog. Use a hair dryer to heat your fresh clothes before donning them.

Step Six: Realize how thin all of your garments are. Wonder why you only own one long-sleeved tee.

Step Seven: Cry.

Step Eight: Put on all of your clothes at the same time, sliding your flip-flops on over your socks.

Step Nine: Briefly consider wearing a blanket to work over your shoulders like a cape. Then remember that you have two Snuggies. Wear them both--one in front and one in back.

Step Ten: Dash to your car and crank the heater to its highest setting. Stock up on coffee, eggs, creamer, snacks, and library books. Don't leave home again until the temps inch back over 70.

Good luck, everyone. See you in the spring. 


2 comments: