Monday, November 16, 2015

Ruthette's Extremely Helpful Do-It-Yourself Online Dating Profile Sample Questionnaire

By lyubenov.com (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Recently someone asked a friend of mine if she'd ever considered internet dating and then seemed shocked when my friend wasn't interested.

Think about the process for a moment. When Singles first join an online dating service, they're immediately tasked with filling out long, tedious, one-size-fits-all surveys. Frankly, that sounds more like homework than anything else.

While the system may work occasionally, that doesn't mean it can't be improved. Perhaps one way that we could potentially refine who we attract via a set of questions would be to offer our own questions

I've provided a sample below.


Ruthette's
Extremely Helpful
Do-It-Yourself
Online Dating Profile
Sample Questionnaire 

Your Name:__________________

Your Age (select one):       

[ ] Old Enough
[ ] Older
[ ] Oldest
[ ] Benjamin Button

Your Body Type (select one): 

[ ] Chopstick
[ ] Anchovy
[ ] Hourglass
[ ] Potato
[ ] Texas

Your Personality Type (select one): 

[ ] Chocolate
[ ] Vanilla
[ ] Salsa
[ ] Triple Venti Vanilla Bean Soy Latte with No Foam
[ ] Turnips

You in a Crisis (select one):

[ ] Margret Thatcher 
[ ] 007
[ ] River Tam
[ ] Mr. Bean

Languages (select all that apply):

[ ] Pop Culture
[ ] Logic
[ ] Irony
[ ] Math
[ ] Puns
[ ] Philosophy
[ ] Theology 
[ ] Computers
[ ] Scifi
[ ] Drivel
[ ] History
[ ] Alternate History
[ ] Music
[ ] ¡Emotions!  
[ ] Sportsball
[ ] Real Talk
[ ] Books

Complete the Sentence: "I love long walks on  ____________."

[ ] the beach
[ ] the moon
[ ] tightropes 
[ ] the Dark Side

Your Sense of Humor:

[ ] Michael Scott
[ ] Lucy Ricardo
[ ] April Ludgate 
[ ] Severus Snape

How would you describe your emotional resting state?

[ ] Solid
[ ] Liquid
[ ] Gas
[ ] Plasma
[ ] Dark Matter

You without coffee:

[ ] Lethargy
[ ] Stupor
[ ] Delirium
[ ] Angst
[ ] Selective Mutism
[ ] Vegetative State
[ ] N/A (don't drink coffee)* 
*Please abandon survey at this time.

Select One:

[ ] Salty
[ ] Sweet

Select One:

[ ] Breakfast foods
[ ] Other foods

Select One:

[ ] Malcolm X
[ ] Malcolm Gladwell
[ ] Malcolm in the Middle

Select One:

[ ] Early Bird
[ ] Night Owl
[ ] Screech Owl
[ ] Ostrich

Select One:

[ ] Reading
[ ] Writing
[ ] Arithmetic 
[ ] Swashbuckling 

Ideal Man:

[ ] Aragorn 
[ ] Mr. Darcy
[ ] Atticus Finch
[ ] Willy Wonka
[ ] Ron Swanson 
[ ] Captain von Trapp

Ideal Woman:

[ ] Nancy Drew
[ ] Nanny McPhee 
[ ] Judi Dench
[ ] Lady Macbeth
[ ] Phoenix
[ ] Boudica 

Reasons you are late for things (select all that apply):

[ ] No real sense of time and space
[ ] You never write anything down
[ ] Getting distracted
[ ] Getting lost
[ ] Wardrobe issues
[ ] Netflix
[ ] Naps
[ ] Stopping to help a turtle cross the street
[ ] Cultural differences
[ ] Exempt (you are never late)

Complete the sentence: "There is no _________"

[ ] fear in love
[ ] business like show business
[ ] Frigate like a Book / To take Us Lands away
[ ] crying in baseball
[ ] try
[ ] spoon

Select a theatre:

[ ] Movie
[ ] Military
[ ] Surgical
[ ] Puppet

Music:

[ ] Playlist
[ ] Shuffle
[ ] One song on repeat all afternoon

Ideal room temperature (F):

[ ] 60-65
[ ] 65-70
[ ] 70-75
[ ] 75-80

Number of pillows necessary for sleep:

[ ] 1
[ ] 2-3
[ ] 5-7
[ ] 8-12
[ ] ALL THE PILLOWS!!!!!!!!!


Documentaries:

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Talking during plays/movies:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Eating in the car:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Sharing fries:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Stopping to ask for directions:

[ ] Yes
[ ] No

Disobeying the GPS in lieu of common sense:

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Surprises: 

[ ] Always
[ ] Sometimes
[ ] Never

Best Holiday:

[ ] Thanksgiving
[ ] Easter
[ ] Christmas
[ ] New Year's
[ ] Pi Day
[ ] National Battery Day
[ ] What If Our Pets Had Opposable Thumbs Day
[ ] The Festival of Sleep

Reading:

[ ] Yes

Travel:

[ ] Yes

Religion:

[ ] Jesus

* * *

Singles! If you're ready to help start the revolution, post your questions below. Then spread the word, sit back, and get ready to browse the questions to find a compatible mate. It's easy, fast, free, and definitely more fun than filling out a standard dating questionnaire. (Or so I've heard.)

You're welcome, everybody!

Don't forget to invite me to the wedding(s)!

10 comments:

  1. Can't imagine what an anchovy body type would be. Mermaid, merman?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Long and skinny with huge eyes and luminescently silver.

      Delete
  2. What is your doctrine?

    [] Calvinism

    [] Nominal

    [] All ways lead to heaven

    [] Look at the way that guy got healed!

    ReplyDelete
  3. What is your exercise regimen?

    [] Marathon training

    [] Cross-fit-er!

    [] Couch potato

    [] I run.

    [] I lift weights.

    [] Do you really expect me to answer this question honestly?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I run" really means you think about doing it but don't ever do it.
      "I lift weights" really means...well, I haven't figured out what that really means quite yet...

      Delete
    2. What is your diet?

      [] I eat kale salad. (Code for "it's the only 'healthy' thing I eat a few times a week with loads of Ranch dressing and all things fried, processed, etc. cancel out anything that started out to be nutritious in kale " In another words, this is not a healthy diet...in the least.)

      [] I exercise. (Um, and this is an excuse for what? to eat junk?)

      [] Vegetarian (this person really is hard core, and likely skin and bones)

      [] Vegan (perhaps code for yoga worshiper?)

      [] Protein! (this person is buff...and not necessarily always in the healthy-looking way)

      [] Balanced (this person may be normal)

      [] I count my calories (um, really? not meaning to judge...just, I personally can't handle that kind of anal)

      [] I eat what I want (this may be a well-balanced diet eating person or could be a fat hog who has never thought about their diet and their outward appearance is evidence of that)

      [] The stress-eat diet (this one is dangerous on so many levels...no judgment.)

      Delete