Monday, November 2, 2015

Legitimate Reasons to Hate a Novel

  1. Too long.
  2. Too short.
  3. Too much swearing. 
  4. Too many sex scenes. 
  5. Too many noun clauses used as subjects. 
  6. The author takes himself too seriously.
  7. The first paragraph describes a sunrise/sunset.
  8. Someone's named Chloé.
  9. Nonsensical emotional responses. 
  10. Unconvincing "best friend" portrayals. 
  11. Half-baked love triangles.
  12. The inciting incident doesn't drop soon enough. 
  13. The female protagonist is forced to be lab partners with the mysterious new kid in town who wears a lot of black and has a dangerous secret. 
  14. The author shoehorns in a "teachable moment."  
  15. Everyone's outfits are described in great detail to no narrative purpose. 
  16. F-bombs. 
  17. Unpronounceable names. 
  18. The author kills off a favorite character. 
  19. "Open-ended" endings.
  20. Everyone else in the free world loved it. 

2 comments:

  1. 21. The BIG SECRET is revealed, and it makes no sense.

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    Replies
    1. YES. I'm totally with you on this.

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