Monday, November 30, 2015

Conventional Wisdom for Common Ailments


I was sick over the holiday weekend, and while reclining in a faint on my velvet chaise lounge like a heroine from a Victorian novel, it occurred to me that much of the conventional wisdom for common aliments actually makes little sense. 

I mean, what good is "Feed a cold, starve a fever" when you have both?

My first recourse was to ask the advice of genius friends Sarah, Jodee, Alissa, and Bethany. The following discussion of conventional medical wisdom ensued.

Conventional Wisdom for Common Ailments: 
  • Feed a cold
  • Starve a fever
  • Foil the flu
  • Thrash a rash
  • Sucker punch seizures 
  • Shake your fist at shingles
  • Dropkick dermatitis 
  • Choke out chickenpox 
  • Guillotine gout 
  • Arm bar arthritis 
  • Glare at glaucoma
  • Mock the mumps 
  • Fool fibromyalgia
  • Give stink eye to pink eye
  • Malign Meningitis 
  • Postpone gallstones 
  • Avoid arthritis 
  • Thwart warts
  • Flush thrush 
  • Bemoan Crohn's 
  • Suppress IBS 
  • Repress PMS
  • Flee OCD
  • Disperse MRSA
  • Poke strokes
  • Demote strep throat
  • Disdain migraines 
  • Have a tiff with c. diff
  • Pull the chain on joint pain
  • Cancel cancer

2 comments:

  1. Are you sure you have enough to do?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was flat on my back and hopped up on meds.

    ReplyDelete