How to Star in Your Own Life
Many people dream of fame: imagining what it would be like to star in a movie, a show, or a reality program. Although few will accomplish personal acclaim, many are already well on their way to starring in their own lives.
You could be next.
How to Star in Your Own Life:
Make a spectacle of yourself. No matter where you go, make an entrance. Dress in bright colors, tease out your hair, and blast your own personal theme music. Make yourself impossible to be missed. Talk fast, laugh loudly, and dance like everybody's watching--because they are. And why wouldn't they? You're a star.
Do what you want. Ignore signs, cut corners, jump lines, and enter through the exit. Drive up the off ramp. Take a thousand items through the express lane. Do what you want. You're the star!
Speak your mind. No matter what you have to say, your opinion is automatically valid. Whether informed or uninformed, you're still a star; therefore your point counts. And don't worry about whose turn it is to talk. If you're a star, it's always your turn.
Be self-absorbed. Remember, life's all about you. Knowing this will make it easy to turn every conversation back to yourself--the only real worthy topic anyway. If you find this habit acts as a conversation killer, don't be alarmed. That just means it's working! Speak your wisdom into the silence.
Build yourself up. The simplest way to accomplish this, of course, is to talk others down--if you deign to notice them at all. Be sure not only to point out their weaknesses, but also to highlight your own strengths in direct comparison--the more publicly, the better. Once others seem small, you will appear all the more glorious. Revel in the glow.
Be insular. Above all, keep yourself in a world apart. Proximity to the masses endangers nearly every point on this list. The less you mix with the plebes, the less you're in danger of being influenced by their commonness.
Finally, if you want to star in your own life, you will need to practice constant vigilance. Guard against the Three C's: Consideration, Companionship, and Compassion. These deadly traits will ruin everything you've worked for, rendering you indistinguishable from any other member of the Great Unwashed.
So keep your head in the game, and don't let the hate get you down.
You're a star!
Act like one.