Monday, October 28, 2013

Classic Songs As Written by Small Children

Safe Distance

If the world's classic songs had been written by small children, the results might look something like this:

"Soap Gets in Your Eyes"
"All You Want for Christmas Is Sleep (But You'll Never Get Any)"
"The Little Drummer Boy Who Never Stops Drumming"
"Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Teething"
"I Fall to Pieces (as Soon as We Get to the Store, for No Discernible Reason)"
"I Saw Mommy Stepping on that Lego (I Hid Under the Mistletoe Last Night)"
"Wake Up Little Suzy... and You'll Regret It"
"Across the Wide Missouri, You'll Find Where I Hid Your Car Keys (...Maybe)"
"Tonight... Tonight... You'll Get No Sleep Tonight..."
"Climb Every Bookshelf; Wreck Every Screen; Ruin Every Centerpiece; 'Till All's Smithereens"
"If I Had a Hammer... Run"
"You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smell"
"You Can't Take That (or Anything Else!) Away from Me"
"Free Fallin' (Off My Bunk Bed)
"Come a Little Bit Closer (so that I Can Hit You in the Face with This Toy)"
"Save the Last Potty Dance for Me"
"You're Gonna Cut that Gum Right Outta My Hair?"
"You'll Never Pee Alone"
"Cathy's Clown... Is Really Scary!"
"I Fell into a Burning Ring of Fire in the Backyard"
"When a Spoon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, Back Off and Stop Feeding Me Mashed Peas"
"I Dreamed a Dream in Time Gone By (and Now I Must Sleep in Your Bed...Forever)"
"I Hid Your Keys Down in Africaaaaa!"

Here are some songs that need no adjustment, apparently having been written by small children in the first place:

"Born to Run"
"The Night Has a Thousand Eyes"
"I Can't Get No Satisfaction"
"Can't Find My Way Home"
"And I'm Telling You, I'm Not Going"
"Heartbreak Hotel"
"Mama Said"
"It's Now or Never"
"Fever"
"I Want Candy"

2 comments:

  1. Do you ever know children! I was having flashbacks reading this list.

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