Thursday, January 10, 2013

How to Quote The Lord of the Rings

If you're like me--meaning you're not afraid to admit that the release of The Hobbit led first to one LOTRathon (the movies) and then to another LOTRathon (the books1)--then you too have probably been dealing with Lord of the Rings Brain for the better part of the past month. 

If you've ever found yourself thinking that every spider is a baby Shelob, that no tense moment is complete without at least humming some dramatic music, or that no outfit looks complete without a cape, well.... then you've probably had a case of Lord of the Rings Brain

Perhaps one of the most telling symptoms of Lord of the Rings Brain is that you find yourself struggling against an irrepressible desire to quote LOTR at every possible moment.  If this has been your fate, then I am here to tell you that your struggles can come to an end. I am here to tell you that you need hold back no longer. The Lord of the Rings quotes are applicable to daily life, no matter what your line of work.


"But wait," you may be thinking. "You don't understand! My life is so humdrum and ordinary! There are no glorious battles, dastardly foes, or moments of sweeping drama. As much as I'd love to work a few LOTR quotes into my daily life, I just don't have the chance!" If that's your stance, I'm here to tell you that you're looking at the situation all wrong.  It's not that the opportunities aren't there -- they abound! It is merely incumbent upon you to recognize these opportunities for what they are.


How to Quote The Lord of the Rings:

* * * * 

Coworker: *asks philosophical questions*
You: (sounding mysterious and dark) Even the wisest cannot tell.

* * * *


*coffee maker finishes brewing*
You: My own!  My only!  My.... Precious!


* * * *

Waitress: *hands you a menu*
You: (perplexed and excited) You offer it to me freely???

* * * *


Alarm clock: It's Monday morning.
YouDEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH! 


* * * * *

Driver: *attempts to cut you off in traffic*
You: You... shall not... PASS!

* * * *


Student: *disobeys after several warnings*
You: You have elected... the way of pain!

* * * *



Child: *poot*
You: The Horn of Gondor!


* * * *

Spouse: *poot*
You: DARK FIRE WILL NOT AVAIL YOU!

* * * *

Roommate: *poot*
You: Drums!.... drums in the deep!

* * * *

Coworker: *poot*  
You: Fly, you fools!

* * * *


As you can see, no matter what your walk of life, you will find The Lord of the Rings eminently quotable! And what you see above is merely a sample. No doubt your own daily life is rife with similar opportunities to bring the joy of Tolkien to the masses. It's now up to you to recognize these opportunities for what they are and seize the chance while you still have time.

After all, all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

______________________
1. While listening to the movie soundtracks... don't judge!

4 comments:

  1. Your Southern roots are showing: poot! I was perplexed and annoyed to discover that Scrabble does not consider it a word.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whaaaaaaat! It's my go-to polite word for flatulence (you know, other than flatulence).

      Delete
  2. Ha! Awesome, I will use these.
    The word poot is definitely American/Southern American it is not commonly used here.

    Here is something Canadian - the kids and I are eating Hickory Sticks. They are yummy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HICKORY STICKS! More delicious even than Lembas Bread!

      Delete