Monday, October 22, 2012

Why You Shouldn't Ask Out Sisters

For a long time, I tried to persuade myself that a post like this wouldn't be necessary.

Mostly because I didn't want it to be necessary. 

See, I like to think that we still live in a world in which some of the more basic common decencies are observed: 1) you don't kick stray puppies, 2) you don't run down pedestrians in the street, and 3) you don't ask out sisters.  

You just don't do these things, people! Or, at least, you shouldn't, because they're all bad ideas.  First of all, if you kick a puppy, it will probably bite you.  Second, if you run down a pedestrian in the street, your insurance premium will go up (and you will probably dent your car). Third, if you ask out sisters, you're opening yourself up for a world of disappointment and shattered illusions. 

So you just shouldn't do it.

Lest you think I just plucked this topic out of thin air, I'll go ahead and admit that this blog post has been bubbling up ever since this happened to me for the second time. Yes, that's right, I've played second fiddle to both my sisters. 

And don't think that I'm bitter about having been second choice both times.1 Because I'm not

It's not that. It's the principle of the thing.

This is a social issue which must be brought to light before more people suffer.

Why You Shouldn't Ask Out Sisters:

1. Know that it sends the wrong message. At best, this sort of behavior sends the message that you are operating under the assumption that sisters are interchangeable--that because they moderately resemble one another, one sister would make you just as happy as the other. At worst, this conveys the idea that whichever sister you ask out second is actually second-best: otherwise why would you have asked the other sister out first? 

Don't think you'll be off the hook if you didn't even meet the second sister until after you'd already been turned down by the first. Unfortunately for you, female logic doesn't really work that way.

2. Realize that sisters compare notes. If you ask out females who just know one another in passing, chances are low that they'll eventually compare notes on you. But in the case of sisters, you should know that the comparing-of-notes has actually already occurred. Before the question is even out of your mouth your current Sister of Choice has already pulled up her mental file on you and ticked through a series of mental calculations regarding exactly how long you pursued her sister, how much time has elapsed since you last asked said sister out, and how this current experience compares with her sister's descriptions of your behavior. You won't notice all of this happening, since it often takes place in under a nanosecond, but based on her mental assessment of the answers to these questions, your fate is decided practically before you are done getting the question out. 

Really, for most sisters the answer is a no-brainer. Unless the sisters are dysfunctional and/or are highly addicted to interpersonal drama, you're doomed.2 

3. Understand that the situation isn't ideal. Even if she says yes when you ask her out and you both wind up wanting to pursue something more permanent, know that there could still be hidden dynamics in play. Relationships can be challenging enough without her having to wonder if you still secretly would rather be dating her sister. 

All I'm saying is that jealousy's a tricky thing that doesn't always make sense and that the dynamics of the sister bond are often inexplicable. So you're better off just not asking out sisters in the first place.

HOWEVER.............If you really feel that you're operating under extenuating circumstances and honestly can't restrain yourself from asking out a pair of sisters, then go right ahead.

See what happens. 

But you should know what you're getting yourself into.  

___________________________
1. Oh, yes. It's true. But it only makes sense, because not only are my sisters both more talented and attractive than I am, but they're both vastly easier to get along with, not to mention both a bit less weird. But still. That doesn't make this sort of behavior any more acceptable, men!
2. Then again, if they are highly dysfunctional and/or addicted to interpersonal drama, you're still doomed. But you'll probably get a date or two out of it before you realize that you're doomed. So it's sort of a catch-22. 



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