Thursday, August 2, 2012

How to Overcome Writer's Block in Twenty Simple Steps

1. Clutch at hair in impotent fury.
2. Roar like a dinosaur.
3. Do a few lines that look like this: JFKDL:SJFL:KSDJF:LDSJFLKD:SFDJSL:
4. Delete them.
5. Write some actual words.
6. Glare at them.
7. Decide that the words you've just written look weird. Wonder why spell check hasn't underlined them in red. Question whether you have written actual English.
8. Try crossing one eye to see if that makes the words look more normal.
9. Hit backspace rhythmically until the weird-looking words disappear.
10. Decide that coffee might help. Brew coffee. Drink it. Realize that it doesn't help.
11. Consider taking a flamethrower to the keyboard.
12. Wonder if you should insure the laptop first.
13. Google insurance policies and read them for an hour.
14. Remember that you're supposed to be writing.
15. Repeat Steps 5-10.
16. Google flamethrowers and dig credit card out of purse.
17. Cancel the order due to fear that you might turn flamethrower on self.
18. Repeat Steps 5-10.
19. Repeat Steps 1-2.
20. Wait for the neighbors to call the authorities.1

_____________
1. Either 911 or Animal Control. It's a toss up.

3 comments:

  1. You forgot step 21 "Write a blog post about how to overcome writer's block."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Will have to send this to Jason!

    ReplyDelete