Everything I Have Learned about Photography

You will be pleased to know that after meticulous research (involving having checked out and read -- well, skimmed anyway -- at least two books on photography from the local public library) I have finally discovered the secrets to being a world-class photographer.

To save you the pains of your own personal research and experience, I have listed below the Seven Simple Steps to World-class Photography that every aspiring professional needs to know:

1) Own an expensive camera. Expensive cameras make even simple shots look ten times better, even the accidental shots you take of your own feet.

2) When you hold up your camera to take a shot, be sure that you're pointing it in the right direction. The tube-y bit that pokes out is called the lens, and that should be facing away from you.

3) If you really want to be sure it's going to be a good shot, look through the little square window at the top of the camera and see what you can see. (Again, if you're looking through the big tube at the front, you are holding the camera backwards. Don't be embarrassed if it takes you a few tries to master this step: it's a tough one!)

4) Make good use of space and natural light.

5) Never, ever center anything.

6) Be in the right place at the right time.

7) Take thousands upon thousands of shots. At least one is bound to turn out.


  1. This made me laugh. Loudly. And possibly with a few snorts.

  2. This made me laugh. Loudly. And possibly with a few snorts.

  3. Rule #7 is my middle name, hahaha.


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