Monday, October 18, 2010

Enjoying the Doubtful Fruits of my Labor

Real answers from Friday's 8th grade history mid-term exam:

Question: When was the Declaration of Independence adopted by the Continental Congress?
Answer: July 4, 1776.

Ridiculous Answer #1: 1492

Ridiculous Answer #2: July 4, 1942


Question: _____________ was the first Secretary of State.
Answer: Thomas Jefferson

Ridiculous Answer: Vice President

Question: What are the first ten amendments to the Constitution called?
Answer: The Bill of Rights

Ridiculous Answer #1: The Ten Amendments

Ridiculous Answer #2: Amendments?

Question: What famous naval hero shouted, "I have not yet begun to fight"?
Answer: John Paul Jones

Ridiculous Answer: John Paul Revere

Friday, October 15, 2010

Poetry battle!

First Meltdown of the Day

My brother and I sometimes communicate in rhyme. We once had an entire conversation (via walkie-talkies during a multi-car family road trip) entirely in limerick. And when I last house-sat for him and took care of the family pets, he wrote out the lengthy instructions entirely in sets of haiku.

Another favorite pastime of ours is to exchange bastardized versions of popular poems.

His latest to me:

I think that I shall never hear
A word as lovely as an ear.
An ear whose inner bits are smashed
Against my brain's synaptic mass
An ear that takes in sound all day,
And hears the music that I play
An ear that may in old age wear
A nest of tuft...ed, graying hair
Upon whose tips sun has lain;
Who ultimately brings the pain
...Sunburn is got by fools like me,
But on my ears most visibly.

My response:

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as debris
Debris whose hungry soul desires
All things its dishevelment to acquire.
Debris that stinks it up all day,
And fills each room where your kids play.
Debris that rots in summer fair
And curdles, too, when winter's there.
Upon the floor, behold this mess:
Who'll clean it up is your best guess.
The world was formed by God, you see,
But it took us to make debris.

See the original version here and post your own versions in the comments below! Join the fun. If all goes according to tradition, he will shoot back with a response by the end of the day, so watch this space!