How Lucy Nearly Killed Us Multiple Times

She must really have been dreading her Maid of Honor speech at the rehearsal dinner, that's all I'm saying: why else would she have tried to kill us multiple times en route from from the airport to our hotel our first night on the ground in San Diego?

First, you must understand that she rented a tiny little car with a tinker-toy engine. It was basically like riding around in a Tupperware container. Immediately upon leaving the airport, we followed the directions of her Garmin out of town toward our resort hotel, stopping only at an In-N-Out burger, where she made an illegal turn across three lanes of traffic against a red light, nearly killing us in the process.

Meanwhile, while we had been waiting to make the previously-mentioned turn, the realization that we were not in the best part of town had wormed its worried way into our sleep-deprived consciousnesses. The thing that tipped us off (other than noticing somewhat belatedly that we were surrounded on three sides by dilapidated buildings and strip clubs) was the crazy-eyed pedestrian who quick-walked directly in front of the car, sweating profusely and muttering to himself.

"You might want to lock the doors," I said, whereupon Lucy proceeded to fumble with the buttons on her door and manage to roll down EVERY SINGLE WINDOW IN THE CAR before finally hitting upon the locks. "Sorrrrrry!" she kept saying, flicking her head around in an attempt to watch all windows at once while simultaneously panic-stabbing at the buttons.

Then we turned illegally across traffic at a red light, but eventually we made it into the drive-thru of the In-N-Out, where Lucy partially rolled down her window to order our burgers. At the pick-up/pay station, by then well into a complicated story she was telling me about her extended family, she got her arm halfway out of the window before realizing that she'd need to roll it down further for better reach as she handed over her money, but she again hit the wrong button and rolled the window UP on her own arm.

Driving down the San Diego freeway, Lucy chowed down on her burger while at the same time bringing me up to date on the news of her life. This was all well and good, except I noticed then that the more into her stories Lucy got, the more often our car would drift in a frighteningly aimless manner from one lane to another. As it was late at night and the roads were mostly deserted, this was not really a problem... UNTIL we found ourselves on a narrow, twisted mountain road dotted with a plethora of warning signs alerting us to everything from the possibility of dangerous S-curves, flash floods, rock slides, and rabid cougars to the Zombie Apocalypse and cattle crossings.

In the middle of one of Lucy's most involved tales, we took one turn with a bit of a lurch and I was horrified to realize that to our immediate right was a drop-off with no guard-rail to protect from accidental driftage.

It was at that point that I clutched her arm with one of my bony hands and said, "LUCY. You have to be CAREFUL!" and then bossily proclaimed that there would be no more stories until we were safely checked into the hotel.

At any rate, we did eventually make it to our hotel well after midnight (which to us felt like 3:00AM), fell into bed, and proceeded to feel perversely energized. We talked for a few more hours and then slept until 6:00AM California time, but our bodies woke us up because they thought it was after 9:0oA.M.

And thus began our weekend.

As impossible as it may sound, it only got better!

Wildcat Canyon Road

She's single, gentlemen!

Sweet Home

Love that Laugh



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