Why I Should Quit
Dear School Administrator, I'm sorry to announce that I am handing in my resignation. I know this may come as a surprise, but due to rather compelling evidence (compiled below) I feel justified in withdrawing from the work force, effective immediately.
12 Reasons Why I Am Quitting My Job to Become an Indolent Loaf-about:
1. More time to take the daily Wait Wait Don't Tell Me news quiz, not to mention having the chance to catch Says You live on Fridays.
2. Golden Corral's breakfast buffet doesn't open until 7:30.
4. More time to calculate Diane Rehm's actual age. (Don't let that picture fool you. I've heard her show, and she's at least 1,000.)
5. Can more effectively stalk global network of friends from the comfort of my own home. (Mentioning no particular names at this time, *ahem ahem*)
6. I like sleep.
7. Epic X-files Watch-a-thon no longer bound by scheduling considerations.
8. I've noticed this week that a majority of my male neighbors don't seem to work. If I stay home, I will be able to spy on them and figure out what they are really up to.
9. The Beach.
10. It would make my brother really, really jealous.
11. Only in this way will I ever have the chance to read even a fraction of the books I'd like to read during my lifetime.
12. Work is hard.
Thank you for your time and consideration.